


you make me feel like i'm living a teenage dream.

by theweakestthing



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Awkward First Times, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Bisexual Richie Tozier, Bucket List, Comedian Richie Tozier, Confessions, Delayed Coming of Age, Don’t copy to another site, Eddie's pov, Eventual Smut, First Kiss, First Meetings, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Following Your Dreams, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Healing, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Male Friendship, Male-Female Friendship, Oblivious Eddie Kaspbrak, Recovery, Reddie, Reddie are 30, Richie Tozier & Stanley Uris Are Best Friends, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, Wholesome Human Interactions, mental health
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2019-12-27
Packaged: 2021-01-20 20:09:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21287474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theweakestthing/pseuds/theweakestthing
Summary: "Intimacy cannot be labelled, it's just truth between two people." – James (PJ) RansoneAfter the death of his mother and a failed engagement, Eddie moves to New York to start fresh and break free from the shadow of his past. His friends help him on the road to recovery, but as Eddie’s thirtieth birthday approaches, he starts to worry about all the things he missed out on. That’s when Eddie meets Richie Tozier, a wild card who seems to be everything that Eddie isn’t.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 10
Kudos: 57





	1. Chapter 1

Eddie was terrified of turning thirty. His therapist, sweet and soft spoken Sarah, had told him that it was simply another year and there wasn’t anything to be worried about. She told him that lots of people felt like he did and lots of people accomplished things after they became thirty, some way after thirty. Eddie already knew all that, it was just difficult to apply it to himself. It was difficult to believe that he could do it. He felt like he’d missed out on so much, he felt like time was running out.

There was still so much he wanted to do, so much that he had missed out on. He had never stolen kisses in a movie theatre, gotten drunk in a park, gone to a karaoke bar, flirted with a stranger, had a whirlwind romance, gotten his heart broken, tried illegal drugs (not unless rooming with a stoner in college counted), seen the ocean, smoked a cigarette, been on a rollercoaster and he still hadn’t ridden the subway.

On top of all that, he was still a virgin. It wasn’t all that much of a big deal to Eddie, he had just never found anyone he liked enough to want to do it with, it’d be nice to find that someone though.

Eddie wanted to get most of those things done before he turned thirty. He had seven months to go and that didn’t feel like nearly enough time.

He had moved to New York because it famously had a lot of people, a lot of culture and a lot of life. Eddie needed to live his life. He felt like he’d been on pause for most of his life, living the way his mother wanted him to and even following her rules after she died. It had taken years of therapy to undo the damage she’d done. And he still stumbled sometimes, still caught himself thinking that he was disgusting for staring at another man. Sometimes his fingers would twitch to buy the whole damn drugstore whenever he went to pick up painkillers and cold medicine. He would hesitate to go out whenever it was raining.

Eddie had moved to New York because his mother had called it dangerous and dirty. ‘_There’s rats everywhere Eddie-bear, and I’m not just talking about rodents_,’ she had said about the city. He was pretty damn certain that she’d never been there. 

New York signified freedom, independence and a brand new start. He had already done a lot of the things that his mother had stopped him from doing. He had friends, two great friends, Ben and Mike. She would have hated them both but she’d have hated Mike the most and for the colour of skin alone. He had gotten blackout drunk with Ben and Mike, he’d gotten a hangover and had still gone out the next day. He had walked home alone at night, it had been well past midnight, he felt the isolation and stale air press in around him and he didn’t feel scared at all. He went jogging around the block every morning, smiling at the burn and the feeling of the fresh morning air against his skin. He had even fixed Ben’s car once, which he was still quietly proud of.

It was early April and there was still a chill in the air that made the morning sharp and crisp. Eddie had just come back from his morning run, he felt exhilarated from the biting the air and felt the satisfied burn of a good exercise. Even if he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about how much of his life had already uselessly slipped away, it had still been a good run. Sweat was cooling on his skin. He tried not to let it bother him too much as he made his way to the bathroom.

His phone buzzed in his pocket, Eddie stopped and checked what it was, forcing himself to delay his shower for another minute or so. Mike had messaged him.

_I found this interesting place, let’s meet up for lunch!_ Mike had pasted the address beneath his message.

Eddie smiled and replied quickly with an affirmative. He made his shower quick, changed into something maybe a little kitsch but it was the weekend and Eddie wanted to feel nice, and left his apartment. It was still a little early but Eddie wanted to walk the whole way. Wanted to see the life around him and maybe be a part of it.

When he finally arrived at the address, Eddie smirked up at the sign, it was a record store and a coffee shop combined. He stepped inside and the mingled scent of musty second-hand records and coffee filled the air. Eddie loved it instantly.

He spotted Ben and Mike in some faux leather seats against an exposed brick wall. The place definitely had a clear aesthetic. Eddie gave them a short wave before he made his way up to the counter, which was as faux aged as everything else there, to make his order.

The woman behind the counter seemed roughly his age. Her hair was auburn flames, her eyes were grey-green and Eddie could tell that her clothes were homemade. She looked exactly like the sort of interesting person that should be working in a place that sold both records and coffee.

Eddie ordered a double shot cappuccino and a toasted sandwich.

“Your first time here right?” The woman asked as she went about making his cappuccino. 

“Uh, yeah, my friend likes to find a new place to hang out every week,” Eddie said, almost tripping over his words, he’d never been very good at small talk but he wanted to get better at it. He wanted to talk to more strangers. He wanted to meet more of the world around him.

“Adventurous, I like it,” She said with a crooked yet wildly charming smile, Eddie decided that he liked her based on the statement and her smile alone.

“Me too,” he added, smiling back at her as she passed him his coffee and sandwich.

Eddie made his way over to Mike and Ben, feeling a little lighter on his feet as he walked over the hardwood floor.

“So, how do you like it?” Mike asked as Eddie sat down.

“Please don’t tell me that you found this place on Instagram, I’m sick of getting Instagram’s sloppy seconds,” Eddie said, brows raised as he stared across the table at Mike.

“It’s a good way to find new places,” Mike said, smiling at Eddie as he shrugged, nonchalant.

“We wouldn’t find half the places we do without Mike’s use of the explore page,” Ben pointed out, smiling around the lip of his water bottle.

“Okay, fine, whatever, this place is pretty cool,” Eddie conceded and dumped three packets of sugar into his cappuccino. He wasn’t sure why it took him so much effort to come out and say that he liked something, it was probably just another hold over from the mess of his childhood and Eddie wanted to have a good time so he wasn’t going to think about that.

“I knew you’d like it,” Mike said softly and Eddie could only shake his head as he smiled in reply.

They chatted about the goings on of the previous week, Eddie told Ben about the woman that had been flirting with Mike at the library. She kept asking him where all of these books were, but they were all clever innuendos and Mike just wasn’t getting it, eventually she had slipped him her phone number and left. Eddie had watched the whole thing, pretending to work as he stifled his laughter against his closed fist. Ben was holding his side as his own laughter bubbled out of him.

“Haystack!” Someone called from across the room.

Eddie wasn’t going to look over, he’d presumed that they were talking to someone else, but Ben’s face lit up with recognition. A tall man, he had to be over 6’2”, came bounding over and pulled Ben into a hug as Ben rose from his seat.

“Richie Trashmouth Tozier,” Ben said with awe as he stepped away from the man. “This is Richie, we went to high school together,” he added, turning toward Eddie and Mike to introduce him.

Richie, like the lady at the counter, looked exactly like he belonged there. He was wearing an army jacket that was covered in a smattering of patches and badges, Eddie took special notices of how one of the badges was the bi flag. Beneath the jacket, he was wearing a bright pink t-shirt that had a toad wearing sunglasses and riding skateboard on it, the text beneath the toad read ‘toadally rad’. Eddie tried not to scoff as he read it. He was wearing black jeans with rips at the knees and red Vans sneakers. Perched on his nose was a pair of thick horn-rimmed glasses that magnified his grey blue eyes, a tumultuous sea held behind glass. His hair was a mess of unruly dark curls and he had stubble peppering his chin. Richie looked dishevelled but in a good way, counter-culture interesting, the kind of cool that took no effort.

“I watched Ben’s metamorphosis form a small round boy with a heart of gold, to a smoking hottie with a heart of gold,” Richie said, smiling wide as he patted Ben on the chest, Ben blushed but didn’t look away from Richie. “How you been handsome Hanscom?” He asked, turning back toward Ben.

Ben sat back down as he began to fill Richie in on his life, and Richie took up the spot next to Eddie, eyes intent on Ben. Eddie knew all of this, but listening as Ben talked about his life with a smile on his face warmed Eddie’s heart. Ben had gone to college in New York, got his degree and decided to stay, he was an architect at some large firm and 100% loved his job.

Richie had gotten a scholarship at Princeton but had dropped out in his second year. Eddie stared at the side of his face in awe. If Eddie had gotten a scholarship to a place like Princeton, he was pretty sure he would have busted his ass to stay there. He could hardly fathom someone dropping out of Princeton and being able to talk about it with a smile on his face. There Richie was though, still smiling. Eddie figured that it could have been anything that made him drop out, Eddie didn’t know the guy and he shouldn’t judge him. Richie actually worked at the record / coffee shop which didn’t surprise Eddie at all. What both surprised and thrilled Eddie was that Richie was trying to be a stand-up comic. He did sets wherever he could, whenever he could, and Eddie was in awe of that. Richie said that he’d even done a set in a Laundromat once. 

Eddie didn’t think that he wanted anything enough to go that far, to present something he’d worked so hard on to a room full of strangers, to chase a dream with such dogged determination when the chance of failure was so high. Eddie wasn’t even sure that he had a dream.

“This is my best friend Mike. We met in college, he was my roommate freshman year. Mike did history, he’s a librarian now,” Ben said as he put his arm around Mike, pulling on the lapel of Mike’s blazer as he held the other close for a moment.

“Oh, a book man eh?” Richie said as he smirked at Mike.

“I guess you could call me that,” Mike said as he chuckled, picking at his blueberry muffin.

“So,” Richie began as he turned toward Eddie with his chin in his hand, “do you have a name, or can I call you mine?” He asked, grin spreading Cheshire cat wide across his mouth.

Was this guy seriously flirting with him? Eddie could hardly believe it.

“You can call me Eddie like everyone else does,” he replied quickly and kept his expression flat and unaffected as his insides flipped in excitement and confusion.

“Yowza!” Richie cried and smacked his knee as he barked a laugh in Eddie’s face.

“Richie, if you don’t clock in they won’t pay you!” The woman at the counter yelled, causing everyone in the store to turn to look at her, she didn’t seem to care though.

“Shit!” Richie muttered and scrambled off of the couch. “Just a second Bev,” he called and turned back to Ben as he pulled his phone out, “what’s ya number Haystack, we need to hang out,” he added and held his phone as he waited for Ben to reply. Ben and Richie exchanged numbers and Richie said his goodbyes as he slipped off into the guts of the store.

“Did he just flirt with me?” Eddie asked, brows pinched as he stared at where Richie had just been.

“That’s just Richie, don’t worry about him,” Ben said, waving Eddie off.

Well, that was a letdown, Eddie thought. It had been kind of nice to think that Richie’s attention was interest instead of some sort of joke or quirk the guy just carried with him. It was nice to think that someone that good looking and interesting was interested in him, even if it was only for a little while.


	2. Chapter 2

Eddie was on his way home from work, listening to a podcast as he made his way through the streets, it was a little warmer and he was wearing a brightly coloured light jacket. Once Eddie had been able to buy his own clothes, he’d gone a bit wild. He loved wearing all sorts of different colours. He wanted to be fun. He wanted to show everyone that he was at least trying to enjoy living his life. His phone vibrated against his leg, he’d gotten a message from Ben. It was in the group chat for him, Ben and Mike.

_Richie’s invited us to a house party, there’ll be someone else I know there, I think it’d be cool if we went. _

Eddie had never been to a house party. He’d spent his high school days trying to stay on his mother’s good side and keeping out of trouble, trying to make himself invisible. In college, well he hadn’t made too many friends and the friends he did make were only interested in study session and discussing the benefits of waiting for marriage to have sexual relations. They were exactly the type of friends his mother would approve of. Eddie quickly replied (_‘I’ve never been to a house party, so why not’_) and marked it down in his calendar app.

He looked at his closet and wondered if he actually owned anything even approaching cool. For a second, Eddie thought about going out to get new clothes, but maybe that would be obvious and not cool at all.

Eddie was a little ashamed at how nervous he was. He was nearly thirty for Christ’s sake. It was just a party and he was only going with Ben, it wasn’t like Richie had invited him personally, he was just one of Ben’s plus two. That last one caught Eddie off guard. Richie didn’t have anything to do with it. Eddie was just nervous because he’d only know two people there, not because Richie would be there. He didn’t even know whose party it was.

Sure, he might have been looking forward to seeing Richie again. The guy was kinda strange but in a fun sort of way, and he was sort of captivating, it was enchanting to watch and listen to him. Eddie shook his head. He’d only met the guy once two weeks ago and that had been for no more than twenty minutes, and for 99% of those twenty minutes Richie hadn’t even been talking to him. Eddie groaned to himself and turned away from his wardrobe.

The few days between then and the day of the party flew by in a flit of anxious energy, and if you had asked Eddie what he’d done during those days he wouldn’t have been able to tell you, he honestly couldn’t remember. He was just looking forward to it that much. And not just because he thought he wanted to see Richie, he wanted to let loose and experience something he hadn’t had the opportunity to before.

On the morning of, Eddie took a longer route on his run, hoping to get rid of his extra energy. He came back and took a good long shower. Then he had a perfectly balanced breakfast, scrolled through his phone as he caught up on the goings on in the world and wondered what he was going to do with the rest of his day.

He had a book he wanted to get through that he had almost finished, but he was too keyed up to properly concentrate. Instead he: organised his socks, colour coordinated his underwear draw, hoovered the whole apartment, dusted and wiped down every surface, had a light lunch, carefully cleaned his vinyl collection, changed his bed sheets, he did his laundry, listened to a podcast as he waited for it to be done, then moved his laundry to the drier, listened to another podcast, checked his social media, resisted the urge to look up Richie Tozier (he didn’t even know how it was spelt), watched a dog compilation video Ben had sent him, got his laundry out of the drier, made himself dinner, watched an episode of Golden Girls as he ate, washed the dishes, showered, brushed his teeth and wondered whether he should style his hair or not. He decided on simply gelling it back to keep it neat and finally left the bathroom.

He had spent maybe half an hour on his outfit, trying to pull off the perfect ratio between looking like he didn’t care and looking like he cared just enough, he wasn’t even sure what that meant. Eddie ran a hand down his face as he stared at his reflection in the mirror on the inside of the wardrobe door. He was wearing an orange button up shirt with little birds on it, a brown zip up hoodie, blue jeans and brown boots. Looking himself up and down, Eddie thought he looked okay but he’d never trusted his own taste.

Eddie’s phone lit up with a text from Mike, saying that he was outside. Mike didn’t drink, so Eddie didn’t feel too bad about him always being the designated driver, and Mike had offered anyway. He whizzed down the steps and jumped into the backseat.

“Someone’s excited,” Mike chuckled as the car jostled as Eddie scooted into the seat and buckled his seatbelt.

“Come on, I’ve never been to a house party,” Eddie said, almost pouting as he stared at the side of Mike’s face, Mike simply smiled as he pulled the car out into the road.

“Another thing to cross off the bucket list,” Ben said enthusiastically and held his hand out to high five Eddie.

“Fuck yeah,” Eddie said, lightly smacking Ben’s palm with his own, “if we keep going like this, I might be done with my second adolescence by the end of the year,” he added, it was only half a joke and Eddie tried to swallow down how broken that made him feel.

“You know Eddie, you don’t need an excuse to do the things you want to right?” Mike asked, eyeing Eddie in the rear view.

“I know,” Eddie murmured and began to toy with the zipper of his hoodie, feeling self conscious again. Maybe he didn’t need to put so much stock into one house party, maybe he should stop focusing on how this was going to be the first house party he’d ever been to, and just enjoy it.

“You look great Eddie,” Ben said, smiling that warm friendly smile that made Eddie feel safe and loved, as he turned around in his seat to look back at Eddie.

“Uh, thanks,” Eddie replied, he tempered his smile as he looked out the window.

They drove out to Queens, listening to Mike’s ‘dusk chill tunes’ playlist as Ben directed him through the evening traffic. Eddie wanted to help, he felt like he was doing nothing and guilt churned slickly in his stomach, even though he knew that there was nothing to do. It didn’t take them too long to get there, at least not by weekend New York standards.

They walked up to the quaint porch and Ben knocked on the door. Eddie was buzzing with nervous energy, he wanted to ask Mike if he looked okay, but that would be annoying so Eddie just unzipped his hoodie and hoped that made him seem more relaxed than he actually was.

The door opened to reveal the woman who’d been working the behind the counter at the record/coffee shop, Eddie remembered Richie calling her Bev, he was painfully aware that he only knew that because he had replayed the moment over and over in his mind since it happened. Her smile was inviting but there was a clear trace of mischief to its cat like curve. She trained that smile on Ben, and Eddie watched as a blush crawled across Ben’s cheeks and his face softened the way it did when he was looking at a dog.

“Hey boys, what can I do for y’all?” She asked, leaning hard against the doorframe as she held onto the door with her right hand.

“Is Richie around – uh?” Ben asked drawing out the last bit as he waited for her to offer her name. He wet his lips, as though they were just suddenly dry.

“I’m Beverly, I think we met at Sounds and Grounds,” she said, her smile curled wider and Eddie wondered if he would be able to catch Ben if he swooned. Eddie looked over at Mike and caught the other’s eye, Mike smiled wryly back at him.

“We did, I’m Ben, I’m an old friend of Richie’s,” Ben said, introducing himself as he continued to smile, “we went to high school together,” he added.

“Well Ben, Richie is here, come on in,” Beverly said as she stepped aside, holding the door open wider to let them in. “He’s in here somewhere, you won’t be able to miss him,” she said and closed the door behind them.

They filed into the house, smiling and offering their quiet thanks to Beverly as they passed her. Eddie thought about taking his shoes off but quickly noticed that no one else had so he left them on. He looked around and took in the décor of the house, it was delicate and kitsch and Eddie instantly found it endearing. There were photos and paintings on the walls, plants hung from the ceiling and sat against the walls, and there were fairy lights everywhere. The hall spilled out toward a living room on one side and an open plan kitchen/dining room on the other. People were milling around, drinks in hand, talking to each other as music played from somewhere further in the house.

Beverly had been right, Richie was impossible to miss. He stumbled out into the hall from what Eddie figured was the living room since he could see the edge of a couch. The classic red plastic cup was sat in the cradle of his hand, and Eddie almost felt like he was back in college, at one of the many parties he’d missed out on. Richie was wearing a garish red short-sleeve button up with blue, yellow and green leaves on it and a black and white striped long sleeved tee underneath that, black skinny jeans with rips in the knees, Eddie was pretty sure that they were the same pair he was wearing when they met, and the same red Vans too. He turned his head toward the door, where Ben, Mike and Eddie were standing, and his face split open into a wide smile as he made his way toward them.

“Hey Richie,” Ben said and pulled Richie into an embrace.

“Hey yourself Haystack,” Richie said as he stepped away, “glad you could make it, bookman,” he added, nodding at Mike who simply laughed in reply. “How’s it going Eds?” Richie asked, turning on Eddie, practically crowding him against the wall.

_Eds_.

Eds. In all his life, Eddie had never been called Eds, not once. As nicknames went, Eddie was as far as anyone ever went, if they were being nice that is. At this point Eddie felt more like his real name than Edward did. He never introduced himself as Edward. Eds felt different, it felt like a different person, and Eddie didn’t know if he liked it or not.

“Don’t call me that,” Eddie said, reflexively.

“Oh come on, everyone needs a nickname, right Mikey,” Richie said as he wrapped his arm around Eddie’s shoulders, pulling Eddie in close as he winked at Mike.

Mike just shrugged.

“See he gets it,” Richie said, tilting his cup at Mike.

“Is there something wrong with your head?” Eddie asked, brows pinched as he stared up at Richie.

“Only the fact that I can’t get you out of it,” Richie returned as he looked back at Eddie,

“You’re unbelievable,” Eddie groaned, but he kind of meant it. Eddie would never have had the confidence, the gal, to say something like that without apologising immediately afterward.

“You really think so?” Richie said, smiling down at Eddie like he’d just given him the biggest compliment. “We should get you a drink,” he added and that was when Eddie noticed that he was alone with Richie.

Ben was missing, Eddie hadn’t seen where he went, but he had a feeling that he was somewhere talking to Beverly if the way he’d been looking at her was anything to go by. Mike was already moving through the house, introducing himself to people as he stopped to look at the art on the walls.

“You’re looking pretty thirsty Eddie-boy,” Richie said again, still smiling at Eddie, the mischievous edge sharpened and Eddie had to swallow, “let’s get you a drink,” he added, basically repeating himself again, and began to guide Eddie toward the kitchen with his hands on Eddie’s shoulders. 

“Hey Stan, this is Eddie,” Richie said, he dragged Eddie around the centre island to stand in front of a guy roughly the same height as Richie, maybe a little taller, Eddie wasn’t sure. Stan had light brown curly hair and bright sharp hazel eyes. He was wearing an olive green button up, black jeans, a burgundy cardigan and brown suede boots. “This is Stan The Man, he’s my long suffering best friend and roommate,” Richie said, by way of introduction, gesturing toward Stan.

“Extra emphasis on the long and suffering,” Stan said, smiling good-naturedly. “Hi Eddie,” he said and held his hand out for Eddie to shake, Eddie shook it, “nice to meet you.”

The guy was sharp and polite, the complete opposite of what he’d seen of Richie, not to mention their differing tastes in fashion, he wondered how they could be best friends.

“Nice to meet you too,” Eddie said as they let go of each other.

“So what do you do?” Stan asked, and took another sip of his drink.

“I’m a library technician, I do the general library stuff, you know, I buy stock and keep check on the database, tell people to be quiet,” Eddie said, feeling a little embarrassed, he knew his job was boring. Sure he liked books but he wasn’t exactly passionate about them, he hadn’t read most of the classics or the greats that everyone spoke about. Eddie liked pulpy horror stories, romance novels and books that had been made into movies and TV shows so he already knew what to expect. “What do you do?” He asked, before Richie could comment on it, he’d definitely call it boring.

“I work at the Natural History Museum,” Stan said mildly.

“Oh, wow that’s so cool,” Eddie said with awe, Mike had taken him around on a guided tour the first week they’d started working together and Eddie had fallen in love with the place instantly.

“What about me?” Richie cut in before Eddie could ask any of the million questions burning his tongue.

“I already know what you do,” Eddie said, frowning at Richie, it seemed awfully like Richie was just trying to get his attention. The whole separating him from the only other people he knew and guiding him toward the kitchen, where the alcohol lived thing was pretty much a bright neon sign telling Eddie that Richie definitely wanted his attention. He ignored it.

“So, what’s your poison Eds?” Richie asked, sliding effortlessly to another topic, as though nothing could embarrass him and if it did then he’d just move on, let it go. Eddie wished he could be like that.

“I dunno, something that doesn’t taste awful, and don’t call me that,” Eddie said, without thinking, sneering at the second use of that nickname, irritated at the way it made him feel sort of special.

“I’ll fix you up something good,” Richie said and turned to the counter, ignoring Eddie’s plea.

“I like you’re shirt,” Stan said, pulling Eddie’s attention back toward him.

“Uh, thanks, I can’t remember where I got it and I definitely just got it on a whim,” Eddie said as he looked down at the shirt, preening a little from the attention even as the blush crept over his cheeks.

“That’s a goldfinch, that’s a flicker, swallow,” Stan began, pointing to each bird on Eddie’s shirt.

“I always do,” Richie cut in and winked at Eddie as he passed him a drink, Eddie rolled his eyes.

“Mocking bird and that one’s a blue jay,” Stan resolutely continued, pointing at different spots on Eddie’s shirt, acting as though Richie hadn’t said anything at all.

“Wow, thanks,” Eddie said, holding his shirt between his fingers as he looked down at the birds and tried to remember which was which, “how’d you know all that?”

“He’s a bird nerd,” Richie said, smirking as he leaned his elbow on Eddie’s shoulder.

“I just like birds,” Stan explained with a shrug, “bird watching has been a hobby of mine since I was a kid, my dad used to take me when I was young.”

“That’s cool,” Eddie said again, he was pretty sure that he’d never had a hobby. Going for a run in the morning was exercise, listening to podcasts was just passive learning as he walked and did other things, and watching movies was not a hobby, at least in his opinion, almost everyone watched movies.

“That’s not cool Eds,” Richie gaped, staring dramatically at Eddie as though he had had betrayed him.

“I think it’s cool to know stuff and be passionate about something,” Eddie returned, feeling a little defensive of himself and Stan, even though he probably didn’t need to protect Stan. “Aren’t you passionate about something?”

“Ventriloquism,” Richie replied quickly, without missing a beat.

“How are you a real person?” Eddie said, struggling not to laugh, he couldn’t tell if Richie was being serious or not and that just made it all the more funny.

“I ask myself the same question every day,” Stan said, smiling with mirth as he sipped at his drink.

Eddie looked down at the drink Richie had given him and realised that he didn’t really know Richie, Ben hadn’t seen him in years, could he really trust him? He wondered if he should just drink it because staring at it was rude and suggesting that someone was trying to drug you was pretty awkward. On the other hand, Eddie absolutely did not want to be drugged. He didn’t know what was in the cup, he didn’t know where the cup had come from, and he didn’t know how clean it was. Eddie tried to tell himself that he was freaking out over nothing but he’d been staring at the drink for probably too long saying nothing at all to easily recover from it.

“I didn’t roofie ya Eds,” Richie said, elbowing Eddie softly in the ribs. Eddie looked up at Richie, it seemed like he was being serious, but Eddie didn’t know him so he couldn’t really be sure.

Stan took the drink from Eddie’s hand, stealing decision from him, and downed the whole thing, “Doesn’t taste like roofies to me.”

It would have been funny if Eddie didn’t feel like he’d just made a fool of himself.

“I think I’ll just make my own drink,” Eddie said, as he looked warily between Stan and Richie, they were both strange and Eddie couldn’t decide whether that was a good or a bad thing, at least they were interesting. Eddie was pretty sure that he wasn’t interesting.

He made his way around Richie to get to the kitchen counter, which was littered with bottles of various drinks, both alcoholic and not. Eddie made himself a rum and coke, using a new cup. When he turned around, Stan was gone and Richie was looking at him, watching him, Eddie could feel himself blushing and couldn’t do a damn thing about it.

“So, whose party is this?” Eddie asked, shifting under Richie’s intense gaze.

“The four lovely ladies living in this house, one of them is my dear friend Miss Beverly Marsh, who I believe you’ve met,” Richie explained and took a swig of his drink, Eddie sipped at his own before he spoke.

“And is there reason for the party, like a special occasion or something?” Eddie followed up, using all the tools he had for keeping up a conversation with someone he barely knew.

“Just that it’s the weekend and I think Cathy broke up with her boyfriend last week but I’m not too sure on that one, that might have been last month,” Richie replied with a shrug and looked around the room as though he were searching for someone before his eyes settled back on Eddie.

“Right,” Eddie drew out and took another sip of his drink.

Richie was still staring at him and Eddie didn’t know what to do about it. He knew what he wanted to do about it, but he didn’t think that kissing someone he didn’t really know was a good idea. The thought of doing casual anything kind of freaked him out. He wasn’t against anyone else doing it, if they were having fun then good for them. He just had no desire to do so himself, he wanted to connect to people emotionally, not just physically.

Eddie didn’t know how long they had been standing there, staring at each other in silence. It was probably too long to be nothing, but Eddie didn’t want to dissect that.

“You wanna sit outside?” Richie asked, blue ocean eyes shining behind his thick glasses, Eddie silently cursed the fairy lights and how they subtly made everything seem a little magical.

“Yeah, okay,” Eddie said.

He followed Richie to the other end of the kitchen, watched as Richie opened the back door and stepped outside. Richie held the door open for Eddie, it made him feel kind of gooey, like Richie was going the extra mile to be a gentleman just by doing such a simple gesture. Eddie told himself to get a damn grip and took a swig of his drink.

Fairy lights ran along the length of the overhang, the women that lived there had definitely gone overboard, but it was nice and romantic. Eddie tried not to make too much of it. They sat on a bench, which had been painted white, with decorative cushions.

Richie pulled out his phone and Eddie frowned, well that was rude, he thought as Richie began to idly tap at the screen.

“Hey, I think there’s something wrong with my phone,” Richie said, brows pinched as he stared down at the screen. Eddie was just about to ask what it was because he was actually pretty good at fixing stuff, but Richie continued before he could say anything. “It doesn’t have your number in it,” he added, smile curving along his lips, Eddie scoffed just to hide how much he wanted to laugh.

“You know you could just ask me for my number like a normal person, right?” Eddie asked, smiling at Richie like he didn’t want to.

“What would be the fun in that?” Richie returned smirking as he turned fully toward Eddie, holding his phone between them as he stared brightly at Eddie.

Eddie didn’t say anything because he liked it, but he also didn’t know how he’d have reacted if Richie had asked him normally, strangely it was easier to go along with like this. He slid his phone out of his pocket and they exchanged numbers. Richie teased him for having the default home and lock screen, but it didn’t matter too much to Eddie because he had another number in his phone. Now he had six numbers.

“So, what brought you to New York?” Richie asked, he leaned back against the bench, cup balanced on his knee as his fingers tapped at the rim.

“I moved out here after my mom died, just because I always wanted to,” Eddie stated, it was the cliff notes version of a very long story that Eddie didn’t have the energy to go into, and he was sure that Richie wasn’t asking for that anyways. “What about you?” He asked instead, continuing the flow of the conversation. 

“I really want to be a comedian, that was the plan, come out to New York, charm the pants off of everyone and get on SNL,” Richie said and Eddie could tell that he really meant it, the force of desire and shaky vulnerability behind it made Eddie melt a little inside. He was jealous of Richie, but he definitely wouldn’t say that.

“That seems really hard, but that’s a great goal to have,” Eddie murmured. He swallowed and said the words that were caught in his mouth. “And I think you can do it,” he added. It wasn’t that he thought that Richie was especially funny, he hadn’t been around the other enough to come to a proper conclusion about that, but it just felt like something Richie would be good at. He had the right kind of sharpness and dogged determination to control a conversation, to keep the attention on him. Eddie could already see him smiling down at a crowd as he effortlessly dealt with a heckler.

“You’re already a fan? You haven’t heard my material yet,” Richie said, smirking as he brought his drink up to his lips.

“I didn’t say I was a fan, I said that I thought you could do it, those are two very separate things,” Eddie returned, he didn’t want to be caught out but he didn’t know what he would be caught out for, it was just his kneejerk reaction to go on the defensive.

“So you don’t think I’m funny, but you think I’ve got what it takes?” Richie pushed on, undeterred by Eddie’s words. He leaned forward again, knee bouncing between them, wild excitement shining in his eyes.

“I didn’t say that either,” Eddie bit, he knew Richie was winding him up, “but yeah, I do think that you’ve got what it takes,” he added because he didn’t want Richie to think that he didn’t have anything nice to say, and it was true too.

“Aw shucks Eds, you really know how to make a girl blush,” Richie said and bumped their shoulders together.

“Don’t call me that,” Eddie said and took a sip of his drink.

“What do you wanna do?” Richie asked, sitting up to take a swig of his own drink.

“What do you mean?” Eddie returned, brows furrowed as he stared back at Richie. He knew he hadn’t spoken about how unsatisfied with his job he was. Was it really that obvious? Eddie hoped not.

“Like career wise, do you have your own dreams and ambitions?” Richie elaborated, gesturing between them.

“I’m a library assistant,” Eddie replied flatly. Richie rolled his eyes and Eddie frowned, what was that supposed to mean?

“Yeah, but do you really wanna do that?” Richie asked, pinning Eddie down with his gaze, like a butterfly hung on someone’s wall never to move again, and Eddie got the distinct feeling that Richie knew something he couldn’t possibly know.

“I dunno,” Eddie said with a shrug, but he did know.

“What did you want to be when you were a kid?” Richie asked and it was clear that he wasn’t going to move on from the topic.

Eddie thought back to when he was young, he was six years old when he realised what he wanted to do.

_He was visiting his dad in the hospital. His mother was pushing his through the corridors, murmuring things that he didn’t hear. They stopped outside the room. His mother was looking down at him pensively, teeth worrying her bottom lip. _

_“The man in that room might not look like your daddy, but he is, he’s just really sick,” she said, her clammy hand gripped Eddie’s shoulders, “you got that Eddie-bear?” She asked and Eddie nodded. His mother nodded back, took a deep breath and stepped into the room. _

_His dad was laid out on the hospital bed, his mother was right, he didn’t look like his dad. He’d had lost so much weight, he was skeletal thin, eyes sunken and hollow, skin discoloured and blotchy. He looked like he was in pain. It was a far cry from the man that Eddie remembered. The man in his memory was strong and tall, always smiling, always ready to sweep Eddie into the air and carry him off into the garage to show him the car parts he was working on. _

_“Hey there buddy,” his father wheezed, waving at him weakly. _

_“Hey,” Eddie replied. He clambered atop the chair beside the bed, his dad smiled at him and softly. Eddie told his dad everything that had happened since he’d gone into the hospital. His dad continued to smile and asked Eddie all kinds of questions, but he winced from time to time, clearly in discomfort. _

_After a while, a man in scrubs came into the room. He smiled at them and said hi, he asked Eddie’s dad how he was doing, checked the chart at the end of the bed and the machines that Eddie’s father was hooked up to, he adjusted the medicine and asked Eddie’s dad if he was comfortable, his dad said he was fine and then the man left the room. _

_“Your doctor’s really nice,” Eddie said, smiling toothily at his dad. His dad was smiling back at him, and Eddie watched as some of the pain seeped out of his muscles._

_“He’s a nurse Eddie,” his father replied and those simple words were what made up Eddie’s mind. There was no judgement in those words and Eddie had seen what the man had done for his father, Eddie wanted to do that. _

“I wanted to be a nurse,” Eddie said, he leaned away from Richie and stared across the dark yard.

“Just a nurse?” Richie asked and Eddie whipped his head back to stare hard at Richie.

“What the fuck do you mean just a nurse?” Eddie bit, frowning so bad that his dimples turned to trenches either side of his mouth.

“Nothing, nothing, sorry,” Richie said, holding a hand up between them, “I didn’t mean it like that,” he added, desperately back peddling.

“It doesn’t matter how you meant it,” Eddie sneered, he was two seconds from standing up and going back into the house to look for Mike.

“I know that,” Richie said apologetically and ran a hand through his hair. “So, why’d you want to be a nurse?” He asked as he looked back up at Eddie, blue eyes grey in the soft darkness.

“You’re not just asking that because I’m mad at you, right?” Eddie returned, his face had softened but his eyes stayed suspicious.

“I really want to know,” Richie assured, leaning in again and tapping his fingers against the plastic cup still held in his hand, he moved so much it was distracting.

“I wanted to help people, make things easier for them when they’re in pain,” Eddie explained, hands moving as he spoke to the ground, staring hard at his boots.

“That’s real noble Eds,” Richie said, smiling as he stared at Eddie, looking a little awestruck if Eddie was feeling indulgent.

“Fuck off,” Eddie returned, he hoped to hell that the light was dark enough so Richie wouldn’t be able to see the blush darkening his cheeks.

“I’m being honest, it’s noble,” Richie said and drank some of his drink, “so why didn’t that work out?” He asked, leaning in a little further. It was the question that Eddie had been dreading ever since Richie had brought the topic up. Eddie didn’t want to answer at all, there was too much there, and all of it was stuff he’d only just buried. It was all still fresh in his mind, the wounds were still open and Eddie was still raw.

“It just didn’t,” Eddie said, closing down. He turned forward, tipped his head back and drained what was left of his drink.

“Okay,” Richie drew out, “so new subject, new subject,” he added, tapping his foot against the grass as he looked around.

“I’m not really in the mood to talk anymore Richie,” Eddie said as he stood from the bench, “I think I’m gonna go inside and find my friends,” he continued and spared a look toward the house, pushing his hands inside his pockets as he turned back to Richie.

“Ouch Eds,” Richie said, smiling as he looked up at Eddie, it didn’t reach his eyes.

“You know what I mean,” Eddie said with a sigh and ignored the desire to run his hands through his hair.

“Alright, if you don’t want to talk anymore, we don’t have to,” Richie said and shot up onto his feet, eyes alight as he stared down at Eddie, changing the equilibrium between them.

“So you just wanna sit here in silence?” Eddie asked, blinking up at Richie as he frowned, Richie did not seem like the sort of guy that could sit in silence.

“We could dance,” Richie suggested, leaning slightly toward Eddie as he spoke.

“I can barely hear the music,” Eddie said, mostly because he didn’t know how to reply to that, the words or the way Richie was leaning in.

“We could go inside and dance,” Richie said, voice a little lower, moving into Eddie’s personal space. It didn’t seem like he was trying to dance with Eddie, it seemed more like he was trying to kiss him.

“No,” Eddie said and shook his head slightly. Even if he was coming out of his shell, he still didn’t like being the centre of attention, he didn’t want to have other people’s eyes all over him. It felt like he was being judged and Eddie had frankly had enough of that for several life times.

“Yeah, I thought not,” Richie returned and stepped back, out of Eddie’s personal space. Suddenly, Eddie felt cold.

Eddie pressed his lips together and pressed his tongue hard against the back of his teeth. He took the drink out of Richie’s hand, finished off the two fingers worth that was left, he grabbed Richie by the wrist and dragged him back toward the house.

The last time Eddie had danced with someone it was Ben and they were both ridiculously drunk, before that had been Myra and he really wasn’t in the mood to think about that. Thinking about Myra made him feel guilty and that didn’t help anyone. He was nervous but he wanted to be brave, he wanted to take chances and be spontaneous. Sarah had told him that there were always plenty of opportunities to make his own happiness, he just needed to take them.

He led Richie through the house, he dumped the cups on the kitchen counter and followed the music to where it was loudest, into the living room. There were maybe fifteen people in the room. The couch was full and people were talking intimately as they leaned against the wall, others were dancing, much to Eddie’s relief.

Eddie wasn’t too enthusiastic about it at first, he didn’t know the song that was playing and it definitely wasn’t his speed. His hand was still around Richie’s wrist. It almost felt like too much, like maybe he should let go, like maybe Richie would wriggle out of his hold in disgust at any moment.

“Eds, if you don’t wanna dance it’s fine,” Richie said, leaning into Eddie’s space to be heard over the music, rubbing his thumb against the back of Eddie’s hand as he spoke.

“Stop calling me that,” Eddie muttered, staring up at Richie, there was only a five inches or so difference in height between them but it still made Eddie feel small. The song changed, spilling into something more upbeat and Eddie recognised it immediately. “I love this song,” he said, smiling as he took Richie’s other wrist, emboldened by the familiar uplifting tune.

_Do your worst, ‘cause nothing’s gonna stop me now. _

Richie laughed as Eddie began to pull them around, moving like children dancing at an eighth birthday party. Eddie wanted to dance like no one was watching, like it didn’t matter that anyone was watching. It didn’t matter. Richie was laughing, all teeth and squinted eyes, as he moved with Eddie.

“So let’s go balls-out, give it everything we got,” Richie sang along as he held hand up high to spin Eddie out.

Eddie started laughing too, watching the way Richie’s gangly legs moved. They clung to each other moving whichever way they wanted to. Eddie felt so free. He felt like he could do anything if he just tried, taking that leap was all it took.

He took that leap and pulled Richie closer, hand on the small of Richie’s back, and dipped the other. Despite Richie’s height, the guy was practically as light as a feather. Richie laughed again and tried to kiss Eddie as he pulled back. Eddie wouldn’t have admitted it out loud, but this was the most fun he’d had in months.

The song came to an end, and the self-consciousness and anxiety crept back in. Eddie couldn’t hold it back, despite the wild fluttering of his heart and the smile still splitting his face, it always came back and he always had to fight it. Sometimes it was really exhausting.

“Song’s over, that’s it,” Eddie said and finally let go of Richie’s hands, he knew where his limit was and he wasn’t going to stray too far from his comfort zone, especially with someone he didn’t know too well.

“You can’t just do that me,” Richie whined as he made a swipe for Eddie’s hands again, Eddie took a full step back and Richie’s hands fell through the empty air.

“I can and I am,” Eddie said, smirking as he made his way back into the kitchen. His heart was hammering in his chest and Eddie figured that he could do with another drink. Richie was following him, Eddie could feel it, could feel Richie’s presence close behind him.

Eddie was pretty sure that Richie could have spoken to anyone, should probably be speaking to other people, but he was trailing Eddie. The thought of it made Eddie’s stomach flip.

He found Ben and Beverly, among others, leaning against the counter and leaning toward each other as they spoke. Beverly’s laughter sounded like bubbles bursting and Eddie loved it instantly. He wanted to get to know her.

“Hey Eddie,” Ben called, smiling as he caught Eddie’s eye, “you having a good time?” he asked, stopping Eddie with a hand on his arm. Ben was checking in and it damn near melted Eddie’s heart.

“Yeah, I am actually,” Eddie said, mirroring Ben’s smile.

Ben nodded and let Eddie move away. He went over to the counter and began to make himself another drink, Richie was right behind him, and bumped him against the counter.

“Actually?” Richie asked, chuckling as he leaned over Eddie, resting his chin on Eddie’s shoulder. His glasses pressed against the side of Eddie’s head.

Eddie sighed and shrugged Richie off. He felt stupid for missing the contact, but he did, almost instantly. It was pathetic how quickly he was getting attached to Richie. He had to keep reminding himself that he barely knew the other.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I haven’t been to a lot of parties,” Eddie said, brows raised as he flicked his eyes back over his shoulder at Richie before reaching for the mixer.

“I didn’t,” Richie said and leaned against the counter, with the small of his back pressed into the edge, elbows leant casually on the countertop. He was looking down at Eddie, smiling like there was nothing else worth looking at. “You’re a real natural,” he said, the words slipped out of his mouth like honey falling from a spoon.

Eddie gulped as he screwed the lid back onto the Diet Coke. He had to look away, otherwise he would fall into the ocean of Richie’s eyes and he might be a good swimmer but Eddie didn’t know how well he’d do in open water. It already felt like he was drowning.

“Anyone would look natural next to you Rich,” Beverly said, smirking around her plastic cup.

“Ugh,” Richie groaned dramatically, falling against the counter as he clutched at his chest, “you wound me my dear, it’s true that the ones your love will hurt you the most,” he said, waxing melodramatic as his legs sprawled in front of him on the floor.

Eddie tried not to laugh as he finished up making his drink. It was juvenile and strange but it was different and kind of earnest, it was something that Eddie could never see himself doing and that was what made it so alluring, it looked fun despite how dirty the floor could be.

“You’re a real card honey, ya know that?” Beverly said, giggling behind her hand. “Was he like this in high school? Stan said he’s always been like this,” she said, turning to Ben again, eyes alight with something companionable and conspiratorial.

“Oh yeah, same old Richie Trashmouth Tozier,” Ben said, smiling as he stared down at Richie, who was still on the floor. “Do you mean Stanley Uris?” He asked, looking back at Beverly quizzically.

“Yup, Stan The Man stuck by me all these years,” Richie said, bouncing onto his feet. “One of these days he’s going to make an honest woman of me,” he went on hand on his heart as he smiled dreamily off into the distance.

“You wanna find Stan?” Beverly asked, looking up at Ben, smiling into his soft face.

“Absolutely, I haven’t seen him since high school graduation,” Ben said, nodding, obviously captivated.

Watching it made Eddie’s inside go gooey, Ben was really having a good time and Eddie was happy for him. It was really shaping up to be a nice night. He hoped that, wherever Mike was, that he was having a good time too.

“Let’s go then,” Beverly said as she curled her hand around Ben’s wrist and led him out of the room. Eddie caught the light blush spreading out across Ben’s cheeks. 

Eddie wasn’t necessarily alone with Richie, there were other people in the kitchen come dining room, but it sure felt like it. The way Richie looked at him, it made his stomach flip. No one ever looked at Eddie like that. At least, he didn’t notice people looking at him like that, like Eddie was the only thing to see.

“So…” Richie drew out, smiling wolfish down at Eddie, like he wanted to eat him whole. Eddie gulped.

“You gonna get another drink?” Eddie asked, lost for words but unwilling to let this turn awkward.


	3. Chapter 3

The rest of the night slipped by in the companionable conversation about movies, tv and music, they had a lot of overlap and where they didn’t they ribbed each other gently.

Eddie was trying so hard not to fall, but it was getting more difficult by the second. Richie didn’t leave his side the entire night. It was kind of strange and it left Eddie feeling a little rude for not introducing himself to anyone, especially the people whose party it was, but it obviously didn’t bother him enough to do anything about it. Richie didn’t bother to introduce him to anyone else either, so it couldn’t have been that bad. It did make Eddie wonder though. It made Eddie wonder whether Richie’s flirting and constant attention was genuine or just how Richie was as Ben seemed to suggest.

The thought kind of messed with his head, so Eddie got fairly more drunk than he usually would and talked and danced some more without embarrassing himself. All in all, Eddie considered it a good night, even if Richie wasn’t actually interested in him. If Richie was though, interested in him, Eddie probably wouldn’t be able to tell. He still hadn’t had a relationship with another man.

Eventually the party began to thin out and Mike came looking for him and Ben. Apparently, Mike had been a social butterfly and had gotten to know a quite a few people as he flitted around and spoke to whoever was sober enough to hold a conversation. Mike allowed them to say their goodbyes but gently urged them out of the house. Stood on the porch, with the door still open, Eddie turned back and found Richie staring straight at him.

_Call me_, Richie mouthed as he mimed the classic hand sign for phone beside his head. Eddie laughed as Mike corralled him down the steps and into the car. He was lightly buzzed, and couldn’t help but smile to himself as he listened to Ben gush about how amazing Beverly was. Mike reminded them to buckle up before he pulled out into the dark early morning.

Eddie felt a little giddy as he watched the night fly by in bleeding lights and half heard laughter. He’d had a good night, he’d had a great night.

“How you doing back there Kaspbrak?” Mike asked as he pulled up outside Eddie’s apartment building, “you want me to walk you up?” He asked, turned around in his seat to look back at Eddie, gentle reassurance in his eyes and smile.

“I’m good thanks,” Eddie said as he unbuckled his seatbelt, “thanks for the ride Mike, I’ll text you tomorrow,” he added, patting the back of Mike’s seat as he slid toward the door.

“No problem,” Mike nodded, “we’ll be seeing you then.”

“Yeah, bye Eddie,” Ben said a little too loudly, making Eddie laugh as he climbed out into the night.

Eddie hummed to himself as he climbed the steps up to his building. He took the stairs two at a time and made his way to his apartment, unlocking the door with ease, which gave him a strange little thrill.

The apartment was dark and quiet. Only a rectangle of light, spilling from the hallway through the open door, lit the room. Eddie flicked the light on and closed the behind him. He put on some music and moved lightly around the apartment as he went about his nightly routine. Teeth thoroughly brushed and flossed, gel washed and combed out of his hair, face washed, and changed into in soft but thin pyjamas and took himself to bed.

Eddie lied in bed, he couldn’t stop smiling up at the ceiling, and he didn’t feel tired at all. A little too buzzed and wired to go to sleep enough though his body would need him to relatively soon. He wondered what Richie’s stand up was like. He sat up, pulled his laptop onto his lap and put Richie’s name into the youtube search bar. There were a few videos that had Richie in the thumbnail. They were all of him standing on a stage, dressed like he was usually dressed, holding a microphone. Eddie clicked on the first video and Richie voice came out of the speakers.

“Sometimes we all have those days where nothing feels like it going to work, like nothing you do will ever matter, no one loves you, all your friends secretly hate you and the bacon fell out of your sandwich and rat stole it.

“Well, I’m gonna tell you a story that will show you that even on a day when a mere rat can run away with all your happiness, good things can still happen.

“Back in college I was, if you can believe it, painfully uncool. I had massive glasses the size of fucking coke cans, I was maybe two months from growing into my buck teeth, kids used to call me Bucky Beaver, and I was on a scholarship for fucking math. But I managed to get real friendly with this girl, she was the epitome of the Gone Girl ‘Cool Girl’, which if you’ve seen that movie you know should have set off some alarms bells. If you haven’t seen Gone Girl, go see it if you like seeing Ben Affleck in harrowing emotional pain,” Richie paused for laughter.

“Anyway, she was the kind of girl that only hung out with guys, drank beer exclusively, she loved sports, played video games and laughed at all my dirty jokes. So yeah, I really should have wondered what was going on with this girl because those things were ALL I knew about her, but I was twenty and horny, I wasn’t about to analyse myself out of a potential hook-up. I really was that pathetic.

“So one time, I’m talking to Cool Girl, underage drinking in a frat house, sat on the stairs. I’m telling all my worst jokes and she’s laughing, everything’s going great, which should have set off some alarms but again I was twenty, horny and drunk. But then, mid sentence, I projectile vomited all over her and myself,” Richie gestured between himself and the imaginary girl as the crowd roared with disgusted laughter.

“She made out with me later at that same party, I guess she was also twenty, horny and drunk,” he added to a decent amount of laughter. “So here’s to everyone having a bad day, if twenty year old super uncool Bucky Beaver math scholarship me can pick up a girl I puked on then there’s still hope for us all,” Richie finished off and a girl whooped from the crowd. He finished off his set with the usual comedian shtick of ‘you’ve been a great crowd’ and the video ended with a pretty decent applause at least Eddie thought so.

It was pretty good, a little gross for Eddie’s taste but still funny. Having actually met Richie, he figured that the story was probably true, he wasn’t sure if that made it funnier or not. Eddie watched all of Richie’s videos.


	4. Chapter 4

Eddie stared up at the large clock that hung over the entrance of the library, the hours were ticking by slowly and Eddie felt every damn second. The job was fine and Eddie could usually find something to fill the time with. However, that day Eddie just wanted to go home and go to bed, it was just one of those days. It was raining and the sky was an awful dark grey. Days like this always set Eddie off since they reminded him of his mother. She wouldn’t have let him out to anywhere but school on a day like this, she would have insisted that he wear his rain coat and galoshes, she would have micromanaged everything about him.

Richie came through the door, wearing what Eddie was quickly starting to realise was just Richie’s personal style and not actually a statement on anything or an attempt to display an interest in counter culture. They had been messaging over the weekend. Richie mostly initiated it, but Eddie was trying to be more involved with people and pushed himself to start more conversations. It was mostly scant little jokes and the kinds of shallow conversations you had when you were trying to get to know someone. Eddie had been enjoying every second of it.

“Hey!” Richie called, unruly hair windswept as he came in from the street, bounding up the steps to the desk.

“Sir, this is a library,” Eddie said, forcing his voice to stay even as he struggled not to laugh.

“Hey,” Richie said again in a stage whisper, hand curled around the side of his mouth.

“Hi,” Eddie returned as he continued to sort through the stack of books on the desk.

“So,” Richie drew out as he leaned his elbow on the counter, “when do you get off?”

“It’s not even twelve yet,” Eddie frowned as he flicked his eyes up to the clock in case the time really had slipped away from him, but he was still right, unfortunately.

“I meant when do you get off for lunch, like let’s get lunch together Eddie Spaghetti,” Richie explained, smiling wide as he batted his eyelashes at Eddie.

“That’s worse than the other one,” Eddie sighed and stacked a bunch of books onto a trolley to re-shelve them.

“You gonna let me take you out for lunch or not?” Richie asked, cutting the shit and knocking the breath out of Eddie’s lungs.

“Yeah alright,” Eddie nodded and resolutely did not think about the possibility of this being a date as he stared down at the books in his hands.

Eddie went about his work as Richie made librarian jokes and just generally ran his mouth for fifteen minutes before Eddie had his lunch break. Just as he was logging out of the computer, Sara turned up with her soft smile and driftwood hair to take over, Eddie offered her his own smile and dipped into the staff room to grab his jacket and wallet. He hoped that Richie wouldn’t say something weird to Sara, or insinuate something, he already knew that there’d be gossip going around when he got back.

He met Richie by the desk, the instant Richie saw him and turned that dopey smile on Eddie, it was almost like the whole world narrowed down to just them. Eddie shook his head and pulled Richie away from the desk.

“Hey Eds,” Richie said as they began to make their way out of the library together.

“Yeah?” Eddie asked, drawing the word out slowly as he watched Richie with suspicious eyes, he knew something was coming but since it was Richie he had no idea what it was.

“I’m glad I remembered to bring my library card, ‘cause I’m totally checking you out,” Richie said, he kept eye contact the entire time and his smile only got wider as he spoke. Eddie groaned instantly, rolling his eyes as they made their way through the automatic doors.

He was so glad that Mike hadn’t seen him, Mike would definitely call this a date and this really wasn’t a date.

They brought sandwiches at a nearby deli and sat on a bench across the street. Eddie wouldn’t tell Richie, but he often sat on that same bench and watched the people go by as he ate his lunch, imagining what kind of lives these strangers had. He needed to stop imagining the lives of others and start living his own.

He searched for something to say and easily found a topic that hadn’t come up in their chats through the phone screen.

“I saw some of your stand up on youtube,” Eddie said, he figured that it would come out eventually and he supposed that it was better to say it now than to accidentally let it slip at some later point and embarrass himself. He fiddled with the paper around his sandwich as he stared forward and waited for Richie’s reply.

“Were you searching my name, Eds?” Richie asked, smirking around a bite of his sandwich as he looked over at Eddie.

“Well, you said you want to be a comedian and that you did sets when you could, so I looked you up,” Eddie said, trying to keep his voice casual even as he shifted under Richie’s intense gaze, striking blue eyes pierced through those glasses and straight into Eddie’s soul.

“So what’s the prognosis Dr. K? Do I have a funny bone in my body or what?” Richie asked, leaning in a little, all attention on Eddie.

“You’re alright,” Eddie said with a shrug, and took a bite of his sandwich. He didn’t want to admit that he’d watched every single video or that he’d gone through as much of Richie’s twitter as he could, scoffing to himself at every joke whether he thought it was funny or not, or that he’d hunted down a few reviews or that he might have left some unhinged comments on said reviews.

“You should come watch me some time,” Richie suggested, in an offhand kind of way, looking out at the street instead of at Eddie.

“Okay,” Eddie said, trying to hold onto this chain of agreeability that he’d started. There was a part of him that wanted to decline, say that he was busy for the rest of his life or that he definitely would not enjoy going to a comedy club, but this was something he’d never done. And if Richie flopped, at least there would be alcohol.

“Really?” Richie said, loud and surprised as he whipped his head back to face Eddie, brows slipping up into his hairline.

“Was I supposed to say no?” Eddie asked, frowning as he stared back at Richie. It didn’t make sense, unless Richie was nervous which really did not seem to track with what he knew about Richie.

“I just thought you wouldn’t be interested,” Richie said, struggling to recover as he looked away and pushed his hand through his hair.

“Well I am,” Eddie returned firmly, affronted at the notion that he wasn’t fun. He’d been plenty fun at the party and during their short text conversations.

“Okay then,” Richie said with the same sort of energy as he fiddled with his sandwich in his lap.

A strange and charged sort of silence followed as they continued to stare at each other, Eddie couldn’t take it anymore and burst into laughter, which seemed to make Richie crack up too. They laughed together and Eddie didn’t know why but he was enjoying himself.

“Hey, can I give Beverly your number, she wants to arrange meet ups or something,” Richie asked, not so subtly changing the subject and keeping the conversation going in a dogged sort of way.

“Uh, sure,” Eddie said, brows pinched in confusion. He just couldn’t fathom why someone who seemed so cool would want Eddie’s number. Before Eddie could really think anything through, his mind ran away from him. Maybe she wanted to warn him about Richie, maybe Richie was a player or something and she wanted to cut in before Eddie got hurt, or maybe she wanted to threaten Eddie about hurting Richie, or maybe she was just being nice because he and Richie weren’t anything so what would a friend of Richie’s have to worry about? Eddie wanted to slam his face against a wall, he took another bite of his sandwich instead.

“She’s a good contact to have, sends the best sidewalk dog photos,” Richie assured, as though Eddie’s expression was because he was wary of giving his number to someone he hardly knew, which he usually was.

“Oh nice,” Eddie said, genuinely excited. Ben sent him and Mike pictures of dogs all the time and Eddie appreciated each and every one of them.

“I think she’s gotten a little attached to Ben and wants us all to meet up or something,” Richie said, smiling as he bit into his sandwich, cheeks ballooning like a hamster’s as he chewed.

“Oh, well I think Ben’s a little attached to her too,” Eddie said, smiling back at Richie conspiratorially, like they had their own secret. 

“We could play matchmaker,” Richie exclaimed, eyes suddenly alight with mischief.

“No way,” Eddie replied firmly.

“Come on Eds,” Richie whined, pouting as inched up the bench toward Eddie, pressing their legs together. Richie’s stormy ocean blues were magnified as he batted his eyelashes at Eddie.

“Don’t call me that,” Eddie muttered, brows furrowed as he looked away, “and anyway, I don’t think they need the extra help, they were all over each other at the party,” he added, it was true and honestly Ben was hot enough to not need any help in the romance department.

“I guess so,” Richie said with a shrug and leaned back against the bench, staring up at the sky.

Eddie took the moment to really look at Richie without alcohol muddying his perception. Richie’s jaw was pretty angular, sharp and smattered with stubble, Eddie could practically feel it against his palm. His Adam’s apple jutted out from his neck from the way it was bent against the bench, the sight of it made Eddie swallow. Those thick turtle shell glasses were balanced on his nose. Eddie wanted to see what Richie’s eyes looked like underneath them.

He wondered how someone like Richie could be interested in someone like him. Eddie was trying not to be boring, but sometimes it just came out, while Richie seemed to effortlessly ooze coolness or at least that specific brand of ‘I don’t care’ that made anyone cool. Richie was confident where Eddie was still painfully shy despite his endeavours outside of his comfort zone.

“What brought you to the library?” Eddie asked because the question was burning his tongue and he just had to know.

“Wanted to see my spaghetti head,” Richie said and reached over to ruffle Eddie’s hair, much to Eddie chagrin.

“Really?” Eddie asked, brows pinched as he batted Richie’s hand away.

“Yup,” Richie nodded, smiling as he finished off his sandwich.

Eddie checked his watch, he should be getting back to work, but there was something there beneath the surface of their conversation or at least Eddie thought so. He wanted to scratch through the surface, peel it away, but he was worried what he would find there. There wasn’t any time for it anyways.

“You need to go?” Richie asked, saving Eddie from having to make the awkward interjection.

“Yeah, my break’s almost over,” Eddie said apologetically, “sorry.”

“You got nothing to be sorry about,” Richie said, he stood and dumped the paper his sandwich had been wrapped in into the trashcan next to the bench. “Gotta get back to that nine to five,” he said in a lilt and began to hum the tune to the Dolly Parton song.

“Please don’t start singing,” Eddie begged, even though he kind of wanted Richie to. He stood beside Richie and brushed the crumbs off of his clothes.

“Oh, you’ll hear me sing soon enough,” Richie’s smile widened as he stared down at Eddie, “maybe I’ll call you up in the night, serenade you to sleep,” he added as he stepped closer to Eddie.

He wouldn’t say it, there was no way he would say it, but the thought of Richie calling him up in the middle of the night to sing to him was ridiculously romantic and Eddie probably wouldn’t mind it as much as he would pretend to. The thought of being woken up by his phone vibrating against the bedside table because someone wanted sing to him was a little more than Eddie could handle.

“Richie, I have a tight regiment, my sleep schedule is very important to me,” Eddie began, running away from his thoughts as he moved around Richie to throw out his own trash. “Having a good sleep schedule keeps you from getting sick and is important for mental health too, please don’t interrupt that,” he went on, turning to face Richie again. The way Richie was looking at him made Eddie feel weak at the knees, like he needed to sit down. He bit his tongue to stop from begging Richie to call him anyway, even if he did get sick it would be worth it. “I should get going,” he said instead.

“Alright,” Richie said, still smiling, something dopey and wide that reminded Eddie of large happy dogs. “I’ll walk you back.”

It almost felt like the end of a date, not that Eddie really had any experience on that front, like Richie wanted extend their time together.

“Sure,” Eddie said with a nod and began down the street.

Richie walked beside him, chatting about whatever came to mind. Eddie almost walked straight past the library. He had been having so much fun, laughing at some anecdote about how Richie met his roommate Bill, it involved Richie handling a literal street rat and having to get a tetanus shot because it bit him. Eddie stopped cold when he realised and the world finally caught up with him. 

“I’ll, uh, see you around,” Eddie said lamely, stopped on the bottom step as he turned back to Richie.

Richie’s face melted into something endlessly fond and Eddie begged his heart to stop racing and the blush to stay away from his cheeks, neither listened to him and Eddie was left standing breathless and red at the entrance to the library, getting dangerously close to being late for the first time in his life.

“Yeah, I’ll see ya spaghetti head,” Richie said, smiling from ear to ear, and Eddie knew that if he was close enough then Richie would have ruffled his hair.

Eddie nodded and began to climb the steps. Every step he took felt as though he was moving through honey, he didn’t want to leave, he wanted to spend the whole day talking with Richie and not doing his boring job. He didn’t dare look back. If he found Richie standing there, watching him, he didn’t think he’d make it to the door.

Eventually he made it inside only to be met with Mike’s gentle smile.

“How was lunch Eddie?” Mike asked and Eddie instantly knew that Mike knew.

“Good,” Eddie said, clipped and tight as he moved past the reception desk.

“Just good?” Mike asked, still smiling as he watched Eddie with those compassionate but knowing eyes.

“I need to put my jacket away,” Eddie said, slipping out of the conversation. He didn’t really know what he was avoiding, he just knew that he didn’t want to talk about it, especially considering the way Mike wasn’t even mentioning that he’d gone to lunch with Richie. That wasn’t entirely fair though. Mike was probably just waiting for Eddie to bring it up on his own, which wasn’t unreasonable.

Eddie was being unreasonable and he didn’t know why. It wasn’t a date, it wasn’t anything. He and Richie were just hanging out. There was nothing to get all bent out of shape over. He was though, completely bent out of shape, because he was getting the feeling that he liked Richie too much for how little time they had spent together. It was dangerous and thrilling. Eddie hated feeling like he wasn’t in control of himself, situations like this made him feel out of control.

“Okay,” Mike said mildly and went back to his work, allowing Eddie to leave the conversation and escape to the staff room to decompress.

Shelving books would definitely quiet his mind.

* * *

Just as he was preparing to leave for the night, jacket zipped up and bag slung over his shoulder, Eddie’s phone began to vibrate against his leg. He fished it out of his pocket. It was a call from a number he didn’t recognise. Ben had told him over and over that if he didn’t want to answer a call he didn’t have to, Eddie understood that and it was nice that Ben wanted to reassure him but Ben didn’t understand the things that went through his mind when he got a call like that.

What if something had happened? What if he owed someone money and didn’t know about it? What if it was his doctor and they were calling from the hospital to tell him that they needed to discuss some results. What if something had happened to Ben or Mike? It could be an important call and you didn’t know what it was until you answered it.

Eddie was always compelled to answer. Anxiety pushed him forward as adrenaline flushed his veins, even though he didn’t yet know whether something really was wrong.

“H-hello?” Eddie stammered into the phone as he held it up to his ear.

“This is Eddie right?”A woman’s voice came through the speakers, he vaguely recognised it. The tone and the words were informal, which threw him off, if it was important then the person on the other end of the phone was supposed to be professional or at least that was what Eddie thought.

“Yeah?” Eddie replied and instantly wanted to kick himself for how stupid that sounded.

“It’s Beverly, Richie gave me your number, I hope that’s okay,” she said, speaking a little fast.

“Oh, hi,” Eddie said lamely and began to move out of the staff room, “yeah, yeah he asked me if it was alright,” he added as he closed the door behind him and spotted Mike waiting by the entrance.

“That’s great,” Beverly exclaimed. “I just wanted to get in contact with you and the other guys, it was really nice to meet you all at the party and I was thinking that we could all meet up and hang out like the bunch of cool thirty and almost thirty year olds we are,” she explained excitedly but in that dry unaffected way that made her so much cooler than Eddie would ever be.

“Okay,” Eddie laughed, she had as much enthusiasm about everything as Richie did, it was easy to see how they got along. “That’d be cool,” he added and mouthed a ‘thank you’ to Mike as the other held the door open for him.

“Yeah, I know you met Stan, so you’ve only got one more of the inner circle to meet,” Beverly said, there was the hissing sound of an intake of breath and Eddie knew that she was smoking.

“That sounds daunting,” Eddie muttered, he waited as Mike locked up and walked down the steps with him before they parted ways with a small wave.

“It’s not really,” Beverly said, laughing. “Do you have time to talk? I mean we’re talking right now, but I wanna ask you some things if that’s okay?” she went on.

“Uh, yeah I can talk,” Eddie said, walking his route home, the same walk he’d taken so many times over the last year that he could do it on autopilot. He could probably do the walk with his eyes closed, of course he never would though, but it did kind of seem like something Richie would do.

“Richie’s not bothering you is he?” Beverly asked, without preamble.

“No, no, if I didn’t want him around I’d tell him, I can assure you of that,” Eddie replied firmly and Beverly laughed, something loud and flighty. “Is he worried about that?” Eddie asked, brows furrowed as he tried to imagine it, he just couldn’t. The thought of Richie worrying about anything did not compute.

“A little,” Beverly conceded, as though she hadn’t really meant to say that. “I know he doesn’t seem like he has a care in the world, but he really does care, he’s just good at hiding it,” she continued.

“Yeah, uhm okay,” Eddie replied as he sidestepped a mother with a stroller, he didn’t really know what to say about that.

“So, I heard that you’re a sexy librarian,” Beverly said, voice sharp in that mischievous way. Eddie choked on nothing but air. “I also heard,” she continued before Eddie could muster up the breath to stammer out a reply, “that you want to become a sexy nurse instead,” she finished giggling as she spoke.

Eddie couldn’t help himself, he burst into laughter. A few people around turned to look at him and for the first time in a while Eddie didn’t care what they thought.

“I don’t know about suddenly changing my career,” Eddie said, as though Beverly hadn’t called him sexy, “I’ve only been in New York for a year,” he added.

“Okay, newish to the city,” Beverly said, as though she were checking something off of a list. “What brought you to New York?”

“My mom hated the place,” Eddie replied honestly.

“Yeah, my dad hated NYC too,” Beverly said.

Eddie didn’t know what it was, but there was something about the way she said it that had him thinking that maybe she’d been through something too.

“What do you do? I mean besides work at the coffee slash record place,” Eddie asked, he wanted to know more about her too, but he also wanted to move away from that strange moment as quickly as possible.

“I fix and alter people’s clothes, I make my own in my spare time too,” Beverly said, sounding suddenly self-conscious.

“Wow, that’s so cool,” Eddie exclaimed, everyone Richie knew was cool and Eddie felt like he paled in comparison.

“You think so?” Beverly asked, surprising Eddie. She seemed so confident, so self-assured, why would she need to ask Eddie that?

“Of course,” Eddie said fiercely, startling the woman stood beside him waiting for the traffic lights. “Sewing is a craft, a skill and an art-form, and being able to make alterations is so cool, because nothing ever fits anyone perfectly. Every store I go into all have like small, medium and large, but all the measurements are different. There are no standard measurements, which is just insane. There should be standard measurements that every store goes by. I’ve literally never had a pair of pants that I didn’t have to roll up. And when you make your own clothes, you can make whatever cut you like and it won’t have some stupid slogan on it,” Eddie rambled, going off on one of his tirades, the only thing that stopped him was the sound of Beverly’s laughter. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-“

“It’s fine Eddie, don’t worry,” Beverly said through her laughter. “You’re right though, they should have standard measurements,” she added, giggling to herself.

“Are you making fun of me?” Eddie asked, frowning as he caught his reflection in of a storefront. He looked cowed, as though he was waiting to be scolded, he hated it.

“No, I genuinely agree with you,” Beverly assured, voice forced serious. “I hate it when you find a really good jacket or something and it’s got some really dumb thing written across the back,” she went on. “Something like ‘girl squad’ or ‘here for a good time, not for a long time’,” she groaned.

“Yeah, it’s weird how often that happens,” Eddie returned, he genuinely wondered if it was actually more profitable to make these sorts of clothes when everyone he’d ever come across hated the majority of them with a vengeance.

“I know,” Beverly said with the emphasis of someone that had come across many seemingly perfect items of clothing, only to find a slogan or words written somewhere. “I think we’ll get on, don’t you?” She declared suddenly and Eddie could hear her smile in her voice.

“Yeah, I guess so,” Eddie said, he didn’t know how she could be so confident when they’d barely spent any time together at all. This was the most they had spoken since they had met. Maybe she was like this with everyone, maybe she had a lot of friends, maybe she really was this nice, Eddie wouldn’t know until he spent some real time with her.

“Oh, we’ll change that ‘guess so’ into a ‘I know so’ in no time,” Beverly said slyly, reminding Eddie of Richie again, he laughed heartily at that.

“Well, you’ve got your work cut out for then Beverly,” Eddie warned but he was mostly joking. He knew he wasn’t the easiest person to befriend. There were still a lot of things he had to work out, he was still caught up in a lot of thinking that made him hard to be around, he was still untangling himself from the vines his mother had spent nearly his entire life tightly wrapping around him.

“Are you challenging me to be your friend mister? Because I’ll be your friend so good you won’t know what hit you,” Beverly said in a threatening tone, which made Eddie bark a short laugh.

“Bring it on,” Eddie returned, smiling sharply as he turned onto his street.

“You’re so on Eddie,” Beverly said and chuckled. “I’ve gotta go now, speak to ya soon,” she added softly and made a kissing noise into the phone, Eddie couldn’t help but giggle at the sound.

“Okay, bye,” Eddie murmured, smiling as he hung up the phone and slid it back into his pocket. He found that he was still smiling even as he entered his apartment building. His circle of friends was getting wider. He was getting to know more people and he felt as though he was broadening his horizons, learning more about himself and the world around him. He definitely had a lot to discuss at his next therapy session and he was looking forward to it.


	5. Chapter 5

The weather had picked up a little bit, but it didn’t make all that much difference to Eddie while he was at work, stood nearly shivering in the air conditioned library among books and computers. It was nice to walk home in though. The clement air in the early evening made everything seem a little nicer, the warm orange glow of the dying sunlight made it all better.

Once he was home, Eddie had a shower. At the library he spent a lot of time on his feet, moving books around and checking deliveries. It was sweaty work even with the AC blaring and Eddie still hated the feel of it against his skin. He couldn’t do anything before he had a shower, it was part of his routine, a comfort that got him settled after a long day. He changed into comfortable clothes, flannel pyjama pants and an old college sweatshirt, and dropped himself onto the couch to relax in front of the Golden Girls.

Eddie’s phone vibrated in his pocket, it was a notification from the group chat that Beverly had added him to last week. It was titled ‘The Losers Club’, which didn’t seem to fit anyone in it at all, well beside Eddie himself of course. Everyone had nicknames besides himself and Mike. Richie kept trying to change Eddie’s name but Eddie always changed it back.

Bev Harsh: Let’s have a picnic in the park, since the weather’s nice but not nice enough for the normies to come out.

Ben Handsome: What park?

Bev Harsh: Central baby!

Trashmouth: I’m down hun.

Big Bill: When?

Bev Harsh: This weekend, if ya’ll can make it.

Stanley The Manly: Absolutely. I’ll be there.

Big Bill: I’m free.

Trashmouth: Do you ever loosen up Staniel?

Ben Handsome: I’m free too!

Stanley The Manly: No.

Mike: I can make it and I’ll bring Eddie along.

Trashmouth: Why hasn’t Eds said anything??? Is he just lurking in the chat???

Eddie: That’s not my name Richie.

Eddie: I’ll be there with Mike, Bev.

Trashmouth: But it worked, the Eds summoned you.

Eddie stared down at his phone, unsure of how to reply because Richie was right but also, Richie wanted to get his attention and Eddie was still spun out about that. He didn’t want to spend too much time thinking about what it meant.

Eddie had so easily fallen head over heels for people because they showed him a modicum of attention, eventually Eddie had realised that he’d mistaken the feeling of finally being seen, being paid attention to, for romantic interest. He still wasn’t sure that he could tell the difference between friendly attention and romantic attention, everyone was a different kind of friend and Eddie had burnt himself learning that fact.

It was still difficult though because he fell so easily. A little bit of positive attention overwhelmed him so quickly, his mother really had a number on him.

Eddie frowned down at his phone.

Eddie: Don’t make me sound like some sort of demon.

Trashmouth: My little incubus.

Eddie threw his phone at the other end of the couch and screamed into his hands. The phone vibrated against the cushions, notifying Eddie that new messages were coming in. He didn’t want to read them. Still reeling from seeing something like that. That was definitely flirting, right, Eddie was pretty sure that would be considered flirting in anyone’s books. The hard part was figuring out whether or not Richie was joking. Eddie got the feeling that Richie was always joking.

He flopped down against the couch, burying his face into the cushions. Eddie was confused. He’d rather die than ask anyone else what they thought though. The fear of being told that he was getting all bent out of shape over nothing, the fear that this was nothing was too much to bear, so instead Eddie groaned loudly into the cushion.

* * *

The day of the picnic approached quickly, just as the house party had and for the same reasons. Eddie was maybe pathetically predictable. Again he worried about his clothes, even more so now that he knew how cool all these people were, he wanted to impress them without seeming like he was looking for their approval. Making friends only seemed to get harder as you got older. There was so much more than whether they liked Spider-man or not to consider and quite frankly it was giving Eddie a headache.

They’d gone back and forth in the group chat, arranging who would bring what. Eventually it ended up with Mike and Eddie arranging the food, Stan and Bill (who Eddie was still yet to meet) were in charge of the drinks, Beverly apparently already had a hamper full of plastic plates and cutlery (which Eddie had quietly asked her to wash before the picnic) and Ben offered to help her carry it and drive her to the park, Richie was in charge of bringing the blanket, which was really Stan’s apparently, and the plastic cups. Eddie wasn’t entirely surprised that Richie had gotten the least amount of responsibility. The way everyone talked about him and to him in the group chat made him sound like a wild card, but Eddie had only seen him be strangely spontaneous at the most. He hadn’t experienced anything to the level of falling off a fire escape because he’d been trying to show everyone that he could do a handstand and inside the apartment had been too cluttered for him to do it in there. Honestly, more than half the things he heard about Richie were terrifying.

The day before, he and Mike had prepared the food together, as Ben drank beer and occasionally taste tested. It was a nice evening and Eddie could check off another thing from his bucket list. Cooking with friends.

After they’d packed away the food, they’d had dinner together, sat at Mike’s dining table. Mike had inherited the table and chairs from his father. His family had owned a farm out in rural Maine, but after his father had fallen ill and later died, they sold up the farm but kept the furniture. It was all deep dark wood, so solid that Eddie was sure it would survive being thrown straight out the fifth floor apartment window. In a strange way, the furniture made him feel safe, just like Mike himself did.

“I heard that you’ve been hanging out with Richie,” Ben said, but he was really asking. Eddie tried not to react, but the suddenness of it took him off guard.

“Yeah, I mean, I’ve only seen him one time since the party, and we just had lunch,” Eddie said, shrugging as he curled his fingers around the neck of his beer.

“And how was lunch?” Ben asked, watching Eddie from the other side of the table.

“It was fine,” Eddie said, frowning slightly, feeling a little cowed as he sipped at his beer.

“Seemed more than fine to me,” Mike said, smirking around a glass of rose. Eddie ignored it and quietly bristled to himself.

“Well, I’m glad you’re making more friends, I’m glad we all are actually, we could do with a few more at least,” Ben said, sort of falling into giggles as he went on, he ducked his head as he blushed. Hiding behind his beer like Eddie just had.

“How’re things going with Beverly?” Eddie asked, he wasn’t trying to be cutting but Ben really had given him the opening. He didn’t want to welcome comparison between their situations though.

“Fine, great actually,” Ben said, raising his head to look directly at Eddie, face shining so brightly.

Eddie could never be so open about how he felt or how he thought things were going with him and Richie. He wanted to ask Ben, desperately so, if Richie was being serious. Ben hadn’t seen Richie since high school. He probably wouldn’t give Eddie an answer because of that very fact, people could change so much, especially during the years between eighteen and thirty. It was such a distance. Eddie knew this well, he had changed so much himself.

“That’s good,” Eddie said, smiling back at Ben.

Despite his own uncertainty, Eddie was happy for Ben. Apparently it had been a long time since Ben had been in a serious relationship, Eddie couldn’t understand why, Ben was that rural boy next door sort of handsome. He was the sweetest guy Eddie had ever met, would give you the clothes off of his back without you even having to ask. Most of all, Ben was a hopeless romantic. Ben’s favourite movie was Pride and Prejudice, the version with Colin Firth. He loved Valentine’s Day and read poetry. Him being single just didn’t make sense.

“We’ve been talking on the phone all the time, we’ve had our own lunch too,” Ben said, eyeing Eddie knowingly, as though the two were comparable. That thought was a little more than Eddie could handle.

“I’ll bet that it was very different from mine,” Eddie muttered, smiling sheepishly back at Ben. Maybe he wanted it to be the same, but he was pretty damn certain it wasn’t.

Ben just shook his head, smiling at Mike.

A day later, stood in front of the mirror on the back of his wardrobe door, Eddie finally decided on a deep red sweater, grey casual dress pants and his brown boots. He worried for a moment that he looked too formal, but his bright orange windbreaker would change that. Before he stepped out, Eddie snapped a photo of himself and sent it to Beverly. He figured that since she had great style and was into fashion that he could trust her opinion. Her reply came quickly. It was just a bunch of emojis, hearts, lips, eyes, a shocked face, Eddie hoped that meant he’d done something right.

Mike picked him up just after ten and drove them over to the park. He parked a couple of blocks away, just to get a decent spot. Eddie tried to focus on the historical drama that Mike was talking about instead of fussing about his outfit or checking his hair in every store window. He was pretty sure that Mike could tell that he was nervous. He had been practically vibrating in his seat, Mike could probably feel his anxiety through the frame of the car, Eddie wasn’t sure but the reassuring smile Mike had sent him as he cut the engine was comforting to say the least. Eddie had taken a steadying deep breath, gave Mike a curt nod before he left the car.

He was full of nervous jittery energy. Bouncing on the sidewalk as Mike went over to the trunk and pulled out the large hamper of food, the one that Eddie had spent at least an hour meticulously packing with shaking hands. Eddie wanted to carry it, but he knew he couldn’t, he also knew that Mike wouldn’t let him anyways.

They made their way through the park. The leaves were a vibrant green and the gaps between them were filling with blossoms, soon the ground would be littered with it like biological confetti. They found the group on a tartan patterned blanket on the grass. Mike carefully set the hamper down in the middle of the circle with Stan’s quite help, Mike gave Stan a clap on the shoulder with a smile as he thanked him.

The spread was nice, the cutlery and plates seemed clean, the blanket beneath them was sturdy but not rough, he watched as Richie pulled the red solo cups out of the plastic wrapping and he and Mike had prepared the food together so there wasn’t anything to worry about.

It had been a long time since Eddie was a part of a group like this, sort of close knit, the last time had been the Christian group back in college and really that wasn’t anything like this. For instance, Eddie sort of felt like he belonged here, with this group of people and he hadn’t felt like he belonged in his own skin all throughout college. It was strange to feel so welcomed by a bunch of people he barely knew.

Beverly sat on his left, next to Ben, while Richie quickly took up the spot on his left before Mike could so much as move.

“You guys haven’t met Bill yet, right?” Beverly asked, looking to Ben and Mike before she turned to Eddie, he shook his head and took a sip of water from the bottle he’d brought with him.

“Huh-hey guys,” Bill said softly, waving at them from the opposite side of the circle.

Bill had a sort of charisma about him, maybe charisma wasn’t the right word, but there was just something about him that drew you in. It wasn’t the same way that Eddie found Richie captivating and entertaining though. It was more like a slow enchantment, he just got the feeling that Bill could be trusted, that he was safe and whatever he had to say would be worth listening to.

“Hi,” Eddie replied, as did Mike and Ben, returning their own little wave.

“So, you live with Richie and Stan right?” Ben asked as he plucked up a sandwich from the spread before them.

“Yeah,” Bill said with a nod as he poured himself a drink.

“Beverly says you’re a writer, I wonder if you’ve got any of his books at the library,” Ben said, turning to Mike and Eddie, brows raised questionably.

“Oh, what name do you go by?” Mike asked, face lighting up with intrigue.

“What do you write?” Eddie asked, words tumbling after Mike’s.

“Bill Denbrough, and I write huh-horror, but it’s p-p-pretty pulpy,” Bill said, slightly losing confidence as he went, going a little pink in the cheeks.

Eddie hadn’t just heard that name before, he’d seen it. He had seen it plenty of times, printed in jagged lettering on the cover of another thrilling tale that Eddie would practically chew through. He was pretty sure that he’d read every book that Bill had written. Eddie loved horror books, especially ones like Bill’s, the pulpy clichéd kind that had you yelling at the characters in the silence of your own home.

“I’ve read a few,” Eddie admitted meekly.

“A few?” Mike said, brows pinched as he stared at Eddie. “He’s read all of them as far as I’m aware, goes through them like nothing,” he said, turning back to Bill, shaking his head as he smiled. Eddie knew he wasn’t being teased, but it kind of felt like it.

“Really?” Bill asked, his face lit up like a damn spotlight, drowning Eddie in its blinding glow.

“Oh, you’ve got a fan Big Bill,” Richie crowed, he gripped Eddie’s knee for a moment before pulling it away.

“I just like them,” Eddie muttered, rubbing at the back of neck as he fiddled with cap of his bottle. It was hard to think with so many people looking at him. He knew it was silly, but he was waiting for someone to make fun of him.

“You w-work at the luh-library right?” Bill asked, still smiling at Eddie.

“Yep,” Eddie nodded, smiling back as he tried to keep eye contact with Bill, he didn’t want to come off as some sort of shrinking violet. He’d spent his whole life as a wallflower, it was about time he got off the wall.

“You should have seen it last Halloween,” Mike began and Eddie tried not to groan, he already knew what Mike was going to say. “Eddie was in charge of making a display, well he enthusiastically volunteered, and your books were prominently featured,” he continued, smiling wryly as his eyes slide over to Eddie.

“That’s so cool,” Bill said, smiling at Eddie in awe.

“It really isn’t,” Eddie replied, forgetting himself in the face of everyone’s heady enthusiasm, most especially Bill’s. He ducked his head and fiddle with the food on his plastic plate.

“Don’t be so bashful Spaghetti head,” Richie said as he ruffled Eddie’s hair boisterously, Eddie squawked and batted Richie’s hand away but that only left Richie’s arm free to loop around Eddie’s shoulders, pulling him in close. “You’ve got Big Bill all starry eyed,” he added, pointing over at Bill who was still smiling something earnest and warm, Eddie’s stomach did a little flip at the sight of it.

“Get off of me,” Eddie barked as he tried to pry Richie’s arm from around him.

“How’re you all doing anyways?” Mike asked, shifting the attention away from Eddie’s frantic fumbling as Richie continued to hold on tight.

“I caught sight of an out of season robin yesterday,” Stan said. Despite his restrained demeanour, it wasn’t hard to see how Stan’s face lit up as he spoke of the bird, lips twitching to not smile. “It was charming.”

Richie let go of Eddie, much to Eddie’s delight, to harass Stan. Hand easy on Stan’s shoulder, Richie curled his fingers into the fabric of Stan’s light jacket. Stan didn’t seem to mind as much as Eddie would have thought.

“It really is the simple things in life, eh Staniel,” Richie said, smiling as he leaned his head on top of his own hand which was still on Stan’s shoulder.

“There’s nothing simple about you Richie,” Stan said, mildly, sipping at what was either blackcurrant or wine, Eddie wasn’t sure. 

“I don’t know whether to take that as a compliment or an insult,” Richie said, smirking as he took a bite of his cheese sandwich.

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out,” Stan replied icily, no one seemed to pay it much mind, it seemed to be the normal ebb and flow of their relationship. Eddie was certain that he wouldn’t be able to handle that sort of dynamic.

“Uh, shot through the heart,” Richie groaned dramatically, hands clutching his chest as he fell backward. Head in the grass, getting dirt in his hair. Eddie knew his mom would have flipped her lid if she could see him now, hanging out with a bunch of people she would never have approved of, enjoying himself and crushing on a man who was rolling around in the grass. The thought gave him a thrill.

The picnic flew by at a dizzying rate. At some point Beverly pulled out a wireless speaker and Bill and Richie fought to connect to it first, but somehow Stan beat them to it and they both groaned as classical music began to play. It reminded Eddie of all the period dramas that he’d watched Keira Knightley in.

“Let’s just pretend that we’re a bunch of cultured adults for a moment huh?” Stan said, pecking at his salad. “It can’t be too painful,” he added, looking directly at Richie for a moment before popping a cherry tomato into his mouth.

“It is, in fact, very painful Stanley,” Richie returned, deathly serious in his mockery.

Mike bobbed his head along to the music, closing his eyes as he sipped at the iced coffee he’d brought in a flask. Eddie knew that Ben would listen to anything without complaint. Ben was the kind of person that would give anything a chance before he really made up his mind about it, even then he’d be charitable in his opinion. Beverly and Richie tried to dance but they didn’t seem to quite catch the rhythm. Bill, like Eddie, continued to eat, while Stan scrolled through his phone.

After Stan renounced control over the speaker, Beverly, Bill and Richie took turns choosing songs. Beverly and Richie played both super obscure indie stuff you’d never heard of and obnoxious pop music that made different members of the group groan as the song started up.

The chatter continued over the music. Topics of conversation flowed from subject to subject like water running through a creek, music to college to high school to movies to local bars and restaurants to the subway and on and on until all the food was gone and the hour grew late. It wasn’t until Eddie checked his phone that he realised how late it really was.

As they began to pack up and rise from the blanket, it was clear that no one was ready to go home, much to Eddie’s joy. He wasn’t ready to go home either. The thought of watching Netflix alone in his tiny apartment was depressing and unappetizing, especially when they’d all been having such a great time.

Eddie didn’t hear who suggested going to a bar but he agreed heartily.

They walked through the park, everyone had split into their own conversations. Stan and Beverly were lamenting the fall of radio. Bill, Mike and Ben were talking about books, Eddie overheard something about publishing and distribution that almost made him groan with displeasure.

Richie hung back from the rest of the group, making eyes at Eddie as he looked back. Eddie got the message and hung back too. He didn’t get what this was about, but considering what he knew about Richie, it might be something strange and weird but also kind of funny.

“You should come to one of my shows,” Richie said casually, cool as a cucumber.

There was something about how Richie was only asking him, something about how Eddie had felt Richie’s eyes on him as they spoke about how much of a fan he was of Bill’s, there was something there alright but Eddie wasn’t brave enough to examine it.

“Uh, yeah sure,” Eddie stammered, stunned almost into silence.

“Really? You don’t seem so sure,” Richie said, smirking slightly as he looked down at Eddie, there was a strange kind of distance in his eyes.

“No, I am. I’d love to watch you perform,” Eddie returned, a little quickly, a little too enthusiastically and instantly recoiled from the eagerness of his of voice. And of course that was what Richie focused in on.

“Now you’re just going overboard,” Richie laughed but the sound of it was a little too tight to be wholly believable. “You don’t have to agree to be polite Eds,” he said, elbowing Eddie in the side. Something in his smile, in his eyes, made Eddie wary and eager to please.

“I’m not,” Eddie huffed in frustration. He didn’t know how to not be awkward with his sincerity. “I genuinely want to go,” he added, desperately trying to navigate the line between open sincerity and a kind of vulnerability that he wasn’t prepared to show.

“Alright,” Richie murmured, looking away suddenly bashful, Eddie caught the undeniable tinge of a red flush crawling up Richie’s neck.

The whole exchange left Eddie feeling strange and all tingly inside, buzzing with nervous energy, a kind of excitement that he knew he should restrain but just couldn’t. He looked forward, at the rest of the group as they crossed the park. In less than a month Richie had rolled through his life and caught all of his attention as though he were magnetic, Eddie wasn’t complaining.


End file.
